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Golden Sands Motel Carolina Beach
>> stephen: welcome back,everybody. ladies and gentlemen, my firstguest is the emmy-winning host of "last week tonight" on hbo. please welcome john oliver! ♪ higher, higher on a mountainhigher, higher on a mountain ♪
Golden Sands Motel Carolina Beach, ( cheers and applause )>> good evening. good evening. >> stephen: good evening. >> good evening to all.
>> good evening. ( cheers and applause ). >> i understand, i understand. i understand, i vehementlydisagree with you, but i understand. at some point it becomesunearned, and that point was about 50 seconds ago. >> stephen: well, they'reexcited because they have not seen you around.
you've been off the air sincemid-november. >> i have. >> stephen: not a lot hashappened since then. >> no, no. it's pretty much-- some cosmeticdifferences. the cosmetic difference reallybeing flames and the fact america is in it. >> stephen: over the lastcouple of months, since donald trump won and taken office, haveyou-- has the feeling more like,
"oh, i wish i could be talkingabout this?" or "thank god i don't have totalk about this." >> it's a "b," an emphaticcapital "b" there. >> stephen: leave me out ofthis for right now. >> because nothing is really--until inauguration day, you know, nothing was reallyhappening. it was just being tied to atrain track, watching the train coming. ( laughter )and then, of course,
inauguration day is the trainhitting you and you're thinking, "yup, that felt pretty much howi thought it was going to be." >> stephen: we saw eachother-- you were very nice to do a benefit with me in december. and you were pretty upset at thetime. >> yeah. >> stephen: how are youfeeling now because this is the cover of "rolling stone." ( cheers and applause )>> that might be-- i mean--
>> stephen: first time on thecover of "rolling stone?" >> it's actually my second timeon the cover. >> stephen: i didn't knowthat. >> so... >> stephen: yeah, i remembermy second cover. all right. >> oh! >> stephen: a long time ago. anyway... now, you can talkabout this man for a second?
>> wow. >> stephen: does this fill youwith any feelings ( audience booing ). >> okay, it's not wrestling. >> stephen: he is in the wwehall of fame my friend. >> is he. >> stephen: yes. why wouldn't he be. >> you're right.
i can't believe i expressedcuriosity there. you're probably right. i could have gone and googled itand realized you were. steve bannon-- to be honest, hebelongs on the cover more than i do, and arguably, he has a morephotogenic face as well. actually-- you know what? i take that back. ( laughter )yeah, he's-- he's a terrifying individual.
which i'm still-- i'm still, tobe honest, hurt today by being on the inauguration day of betsydevos. >> here's the thing, here's thething, children. i actually think she might andshould serve as an inspiration to school kids in america,because she shows that they could be secretary of educationone day. in fact, not just one day, now. they could do it now. they're about as well qualifiednow as she is.
and spent arguably longer in apublic school. >> stephen: the last thing--on your last show, you did a fantastic desk piece about"don't get used to this. do not accept this as a varietyof things as the new normal." >> right. >> stephen: have thingshappened in the last few months that you say to yourself, "boy,i wish that hadn't been accepted?"or "this is the new normal"-- >> i don't think-- i thinkpeople are still feeling
viscerally repelled by things. i think the problem reallyarises when you start not-- when you get punch drunk, right. where you hear something-- ifyou hear of a betsy devos confirm expaigz go, "well,that's the way the world is now." >> stephen: so many, so many--like so many pictures are coming over the plate. so many mean balls are comingover the plate.
"a," you're not sure what toswing at. you're not sure what to payattention to. and i think that's part of theplan of the trump administration, do so manythings at once-- >> it's exhausting. it feels like his inaugurationday was 114 years ago. >> stephen: a little over twoweeks ago. >> we have a long way to go. it's going to be hard-- it'seasy to be angry on adrenaline,
right, but it is much, muchharder when you are just tired. and this is going to beexhausting. >> stephen: yeah, four years. year, that's what i-->> four years maybe. >> stephen: or eight. >> or 12, or 12. or not 12. words don't mean anythinganymore. why would numbers?
( laughter )( applause ). >> stephen: now, help me outwith something here. donald trump. >> stephen: is about sayingamerica is going to project power around the world insignificant ways, but also pulling back with engagementwith our allies. you're from england, and you--your country once had a great empire. >> we did.
( laughter )i don't mean to sound too wistful, we did. we did some terrible things, andwe did them with real commitment. ask india. ask them. they remember. >> stephen: 83, you don't getan empire from necessarily being nice guys.
>> you don't. but we did it with that certaingentlemanly swagger. >> stephen: you did it with agin and tonic in one hand. >> bang! >> stephen: but englanddoesn't have an empire anymore? do you think america is facingsort of a retrenchment, like draw the borders and this iswhere we live and the hell of the rest of the world? >> look, if you're at a tippingpoint of empire, enjoy the
descent. that's the key thing. you get blamed for everythingwhen you're number one. no one's pointing at us anymore. we're irrelevant. and, yes, that hurts on thesurface, but it's actually a release if you really thinkabout it. nothing's our fault anymore,other than historically, everything is stillfundamentally our fault.
( laughter )because you -- >> stephen: you dideverything. >> we basically did everything. basquely every flash point canbe traced back to a mustacheiod man saying, "there we go. learn to live with it." ( applause )>> stephen: the one thing-- the one thing that england stillhas, even though you don't have the empire anymore-- you havenuclear weapons.
don't get me wrong. >> and the falkland islands and"boston herald." islands andbermuda. >> don't mess with bermuda. one toe in those pink sands andwe will turn into pink glaz. >> that's right. >> stephen: you guys havejames bond. is that an english fantasy thatyou may no longer be a world power but you have the singularmost bad-ass man on the planet
who singulary can actually fixeverything? and our belief in him is likeour belief in the empire, a wonderful fiction. he is murdering his way aroundthe globe, sleeping with the finest women in his eyes, andthen reporting directly to judi dench. that's-- that's-- it's a simplerworld, isn't it? that's an easy world tounderstand. >> stephen: yeah.
>> and he just-- he regenerateslike dr. who. you can have your piercebrosnan, and your hair will never change. >> stephen: now, no one knowswho the next james bond will be. there's a lot-- a lot ofspeculation. has your name ever--( laughter ) it would be a bold choice. ( cheers and applause )no one would see that coming. >> who would-- fair point, pairpoint.
if they really want to throw acurve ball-- if they really want to say to the world, listen, ifif we're doing everything different, here's your (bleep)bond here. >> stephen: ian fleming chosethe name james band bond. you know when he chose it? he wanted the most boring namehe could think of. >> in that case, if you'relooking for the most boring, you can think of ba-ba-boom. if you want a bond who isnervous around women, i've got
you here. "oh, she's so pretty and thecocktail dress is slinky." >> stephen: you're not anamerican citizen right now. >> no. you'r>> stephen: you're a greencard. are you worried at all becausetrump is determined to slam the border shut, that you might betossed out. when is your green card up? >> tossed out like tea.
>> stephen: yeah, a tea bag. >> tea bag been tossed out. >> stephen: exactly no extracharge. >> you know, the crazy thing is,it's probably not going to happen. right? but there is a non-zero chanceof it happening now. so, year, i am slightlyconcerned. i have an american wife and anamerican son now, but who knows
what's enough? having a green card used to beenough, and yet what we saw with that executive order onimmigration, that debacle, things are not what they weresupposed to be. we held up translators, afghanand iraqi translators at the border who have bled for acountry they've never visited. have sacrificed family membersfor this country. this president has didn'tneither of those things so it's a little hard to swallow himtelling people whether they
should be a benefit to americaor not. ( cheers and applause )not to-- all i'm saying is-- >> stephen: we've got to takea little commercial break. we'll be right back with morejohn oliver, don't go away. don't go away.
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